Stuart

 

My beloved Stuart, faithful muse and bon vivant of the cat world, died last night. He’d had failing kidneys for the past year which never seemed to subdue his spirit, but Sunday he stopped eating and drinking water and could no long pee. I was in constant touch with his veterinarian, my friend and student, Dr. Bob Goldman, exchanging emails back and forth. I kept second guessing myself. Was it really time? Was Stuart in pain? He looked so beautiful that it was impossible that he was dying. Just yesterday morning he trotted downstairs and out into the courtyard, took one look at the rain, and returned to my office where he lived with his sister Charlotte. Bob said go with your gut, if it was time he’d come over in the evening. I went to every website I could find about feline kidney disease and cats dying, and all day I loved and petted Stuart whose bed is on my desk behind my laptop. I played classical music on the radio and cried all day and wrote in my journal.  

Stuart was eighteen years old last August. My daughter Gillan and sister-in-law Mimi gave me Stuart and Charlotte when they were kittens  I was newly divorced and at first I thought I didn’t want them. I’d just lost two old cats and wanted to be free of giving my heart to any more animals. But I took them home that first night and they curled up under the covers with me, purring, and never left.

Late yesterday afternoon Stuart made a sound I’d never heard him make before; part groan, part growl. As if he were saying, enough. It’s time.

When Bob arrived at 7:30 last night the lights were low in my office, music was playing, and Charlotte was lying next to her brother, somehow knowing what was going on. Bob petted Stuart and talked to me and R., and then gave Stuart a sedative which made him a little drunk, then morphine, and as I held Stuart in my arms it felt so good because he was no longer in pain. Then more shots and Stuart died with such peace and dignity in his own bed. Bob Goldman is the most compassionate and skilled veterinarian I’ve ever known, and I thank him with all my heart for his kindness yesterday.

 

Comments

[elizabeth]

Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry to hear of your dear muse Stuart's death. Thank you for letting us know. And I'm so glad that Bob was able to do this for you -- he sounds like a wonderful vet and person.

[Jenny R]

So sorry about your loss. I always enjoy the posts when you write about Stuart and Charlotte.

[Cindy Lieberman]

I'm so sorry to hear about Stuart, Barbara. My thoughts go out to you and Charlotte.

[Bob G.]

Thank you for your kind comments.
"He looked so beautiful that it was impossible that he was dying." That is so true. That is what every pet owner who is connected with their animal feels at the end. I hope someone looks at me and thinks that on my way out. I'm so grateful to be a part of your life, and R's and Charlotte's and Stuart's, and I'm so thankful that Stuart left this world as he lived in it, with love and comfort and dignity.
Peace.
RG

[Magdalena Edwards]

I am sorry to hear about Stuart's passing, but it is wonderful that he died with peace and dignity in his own bed. I am sending love your way as you mourn your dear friend, muse, and companion.

[Nancy Minchella]

Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry. I remember meeting Stuart and Charlotte when I first came to your house in Hermosa. I know you and Charlotte will miss him
terribly. Perhaps someday he will return in a story.

[Glenn Court]

Each time it happens, it's the first time, isn't it? The same raw ache and disbelief, the same odd vacuum. For Stuart, though, the best of all circumstances. Stroke Charlotte gently. (It's eight years later and I can still see Clementine's eyes following me so closely and fearfully for days after Calpurnia suddenly died.)

[suzanne oconnell]

I'm so sorry. I hope it consoles you a little to remember that Stuart had a wonderful life. It's a tribute to our human spirit and resilience that we are able to continue to fall madly in love with the short-lived, furry family members who find us.

[Marilynn739@mac.com]

Oh Barbara, These are hard times, I am always so amazed on the depth of emotions when we lose a beloved animal. Last time for me, I shut myself in the house and wouldn't answer the phone for days. I don't know any words that can change your grief, but those of us that are dog, or cat, or horse- animal-people, know and can only stand with you. And we know know that a loving vet and supportive family are true blessing. God bless you in these difficult times. Marilynn

[Barbara Force]

Oh Barbara, I'm sitting here crying with you, and grateful that Stuart had such a wonderful life in a loving home. It's truly an emptiness for awhile-and one keeps thinking that you will see them coming around the corner, or jumping out from behind a vase. I also am glad he had a gentle, dignified leaving. As the tears wane, the good memories will prevail.

[Kathleen Guthrie]

What a beautiful tribute to your dear companion. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Mary Rose Betten]

Barbara I am sorry you had to say goodbye to your
Stuart but there is more love in the world because of Stuart. It made me smile to learn you have a Charotte. We had a cat named Charolote, affectionately known as ",Charlote the harlot cat," since she was a true lady of the evening and had the voice to prove it. Thank you for sharing your Stuart with us as E.D. would have it: ""That love is all there is - is all we know of love-it is enough." is a fitting tribute to your Stuart. Thanks for sharing his picture "among the books," Yep, that's gotta be Barbara's cat. our love to Charlotte & you, M.R. and Pat.

[Lisa Manterfield]

Oh Barbara, I'm os very sorry to hear this. I know how dear he was to you and how much our little furry friends warm up our lives. My thoughts are with you, R, and Charlotte.

[Jeannette Bloom]

Barbara: So sorry for your loss of Stuart. Hopefully, you will be comforted by the many wonderful memories of him that you have.

[Denise Emanuel Clemen]

Barbara, that's so sad & I'm so sorry. Love to you & R & Charlotte.

[Barbara]

Everyone: Your comments mean a lot to me - thank you for taking the time to write them. xxoo Barbara

[Monica Holloway]

Dear Barbara, I love this picture of Stuart so much. I love that he died in his own bed surrounded by all who loved him. I'm sorry for the grief you must be experiencing and wish more than anything that nothing could separate us from those we love. But such is life ... and who can possibly understand it?
Much love, Monica

[Cynthia]

Barbara,
So sorry to hear about Stuart. I am grateful you had Bob there, I agree that he is the most compassionate and caring vet I have ever met (and a good writing group member). What a lovely tribute to Stuart and Bob.
Cynthia

[Susan Wright Bryant]

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you have lost a beloved friend and confidante. I lost Irving (named for John Irving)July 15, 2008. He was 20 yrs old, had failing kidneys & nearly blind but he could see, understand, cuddle and abide despite my mood, and love anyone, but esp. me. I have pictures of him framed, and sometimes look into his huge green eyes and say "Irv I miss you!" I bet Stuart and Irving will be with us again someday.

[Halil]

Awww! You did a FANTASTIC JOB Shell. So sad I had to cancel with them for their wdenidg. But great to see they went with you. I know its going to be an AWESOME event! They will be loads of fun to work with. Great job with the engagement shoot!Congrats again Stuart + Charlotte <3xxx

[Carole]

The balance on a loedad Brompton is surprisingly good. I packed light but had camping and cooking gear.I managed to fit standard Ortlieb panniers with small modifications to the rear rack and using a rixen & kaul bar bag mount & bar. I put less weight in the front bag than the back bag. 2 man tent in the drybag on the seat post. That all worked well. Fully loedad to folded in a minute. On smooth roads it runs well, but it's slower than a large wheeled bike when it gets bumpy. The 6 gears did not go low enough. The new BWR hub gives a better range with low enough gears for hills, but with big gaps in between. So you have to plan on doing less miles a day. However it's fun & good if you may need to use a bus or train in the trip.