A Grieving Cat

Charlotte has stopped eating and simply stares at the spot behind my laptop where Stuart slept and where he died two nights ago. Last night she circled and circled around my office. I didn’t know if she was sick and disoriented or searching for Stuart. I went online this afternoon and looked up cats grieving for other cats and found an astonishing number of similar stories. The weird thing is that she and Stuart were not the best of friends – they rarely slept together and never groomed each other, and Stuart – who had a temper - would occasionally slap Charlotte or bite her. But they were always together and he had mellowed in his old age. Her decline over the past two days has been so swift that we brought her into Bob Goldman’s office this morning for tests. So far nothing devastating has shown up but there’ll be more test results in the morning. I'm hoping for a diagnosis of grief.

 

Thanks to those of you who have left such sweet messages under Comments. They’ve meant a great deal to me.

Comments

[elizabeth]

I remember when our cats did this, so I do think it's pretty common. Poor little kitty...

[Jill Marshall Larson]

I have been through this too many times, I suggest talking with her - this may sound strange but she needs to know it is ok to be sad and grieve. She knows she is loved but may need some reminders - I am a bit of a crazy cat lady but I have found this works. When my dad died, I sat on the floor and has a long talk with his beloved cat, long story short it worked. Much love to you and dear Charlotte!

[Barbara L.]

I'm thinking about you and yours and sending love.

[Barbara Force]

It's amazing how animals do grieve, and need extra TLC at the time. I had an absolutely wonderful golden retriever, Oso. After he died, I went to visit a friend who has a shelty. I would always bring Oso and they would play. The first time I came without Oso, she kept circling around me and going to look at the door. We told her Oso had died and wouldn't be coming back. When I went to the car, she came out to check and jumped in the car to make sure he wasn't there, and my friend said her dog was quiet for about a week. I can't imagine when the two were living together, even if they weren't the best of friends-they were companions. Thoughts of love and healing to you all.

[Bob G.]

So far the diagnosis is grief and a urinary tract infection. The comments are amazing. My guinea pig chickpea stopped eating for a week after her sister Peaches died.

[Barbara]

And what a wonderful diagnosis, dear Dr. G! Thanks for the incredible care of S and C! And thanks Barbara L., Barb,Jill and Elizabeth for your comments.

[lisa delong]

Interesting how our animals teach us to love unconditionally and now, how to grieve. Isn't this what we do when someone we love dies? Walk in circles, (if we can walk at all), stop eating, get sick...and all this even if we didn't get along with that person. I say join your kitty in her grief and let her help you and you her. This is what she came to do.

[Sharon Bray]

Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry...and sorry for Charlotte's sorrow too. I lost my 17 year old Westie a year ago, and for three weeks, his younger companion, Kramer, lay under the deck all day in the spot where Winston had chosen to die.

Take care,
Sharon Bray

[SueBE]

Poor you and poor Charlotte. Pets inspire so much of our writing, it isn't surprising that with connections like that you and Charlotte both need some TLC.

[Matthew]

I am so sorry for your family's loss of a member and friend. The reader who told you to speak to your animal is correct; speak to the cat every chance you can, as you would a person (even in non-grief). Give her loads of extra attention and time, and she'll rebound much sooner.

[Rossana D'Antonio]

Barbara, I'm so sorry to hear the news. Be assured that with time, the emptiness due to the loss of Stuart will be filled with the love and memories left behind. But for now, let the tears flow freely.

Rossana

[Barbara]

Sharon, Sue, Matthew and Rossana -thank you all for your comments.

[Elismaia]

Awww... I would turn to stone if my mother got a gpsmlie at my blog. I feel guilty for writing about her without her permission and for being what she would call an exhibitionist. She probably wouldn't understand that urge to share with the Internet what cannot be spoken out loud. But then again I keep thinking, it would be an unpleasant experience, but she's my mother and she loves me and this too will pass, right? So, I don't know... it might actually be a blessing and a huge relief if your mum showed up here and read this letter. Cause nothing in this world feels better than truth and honesty, believe me.